Does anyone ever have those moments where you just asked yourself, ‘but who am I really?’ Another question for people of different ethnicities to the countries they currently reside in, where do you consider home and do you think that you are a ‘typical’ (whatever nationality you are from)? What defines a ‘typical’ (nationality)?
The term ‘identity crisis’ fits me like a glove, my passport reminds me of the country I belong to- yet to be honest, I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged anywhere and there is no country that I can call home.
I’m an African but Arabic is my mother tongue, I’ve been ‘westernized’ yet my religion ensures that I remain ‘eastern’. I’m at a constant battle with myself and the image that I want to portray that it should be called organ crises! Because trust me, the heated debates between my mind and heart will soon have me admitted into some mental institution. To make it worse, no one is ever satisfied with whatever image I come up with. I’m not religious enough for the Muslims, not independent enough for the West, not black enough for the Africans yet not light enough for the Arabs, great stuff right? I just can’t win.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m just venting out here but not really complaining. The thing is, no matter how hard it gets – I wouldn’t change a thing about my life, the people I’ve met and how they (knowingly and unknowingly) have contributed in shaping me:)!
Thursday, December 7, 2006
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11 comments:
this is a topic that has come up on a couple of blogs i read recently. being homeless is not totally such a bad thing. it allows you to see things from perspectives others do not and cannot see. it allows you to see who partial many of the things that are considered "solutions" are. a lot of us have done the international dance. i am back at home in the states(and have been here for many years now), but is it really home? there are those who will always be nomads in a strange land.
"What defines a ‘typical’ (nationality)?"
You've got me there, I have no clue.
I'm american but was raised by French-Canadian parents in predominantly Hispanic and Native American communities (I used to long to have long, straight, black hair, blond curls just seemed all wrong to me). As a young adult I moved to southern California and worked/socialized with what would amount to a mini-UN representative group of people for almost 2 decades...I took variety for granted.
Since remarrying a few years ago I'm living in a "very white" community and it is DRIVING ME INSANE, lol.
I "look" like them, I can even speak the same language and certainly by any legal definition I am one of them but I have almost nothing in common with them by either nature or nurture. I'm an alien in my own country.
Talking about "Alien in my own country" reminded me of one of my favourite blogs.. neurotic Iraqi wife.. very intresting to read.
Read her post I'm an Alien in my own country
I agree LoA, the experiences and people you meet through travelling is priceless. It really puts so many things in perspective and just reminds you that although it's a big world out there, the moment you step on foriegn land you have to adapt and that's just amazing.
Not Your Mama, the diverse environment that you grew up in sounds really exciting. I can relate with what you said, although physically we might be accepted- sometimes it's that intellectual connection that I look for. Being exposed to diversity makes you look at things so much differently and with time,I find that you tend to become more tolerant of several issues. Yet at the sametime, it can make for a lonely place when you aren't in that environment..
Precious, thanks for the link!
path2hope, salam girl. I'm glad your getting visitors to your great blog and receiving nice comments from different people.
I can relate so much to everything you say here. I've thought so much about the things you mention. Most of the questions on my mind have been settled now. The identity crisis isn't big anymore.
I'm gona give you something to think about that might help. How would you define yourself if all people were the same color, spoke the same language and there was only one country on planet earth? I don't think you need a context to define yourself within. Imagine that there's no context.
Defining yourself is about you yourself and being in peace with the One above. That's how I managed to answer so many of my own questions. It might seem dumb but believe me you should try it. You're asking the wrong questions and hence getting all the wrong answers.
If everyone was the same- I see myself acting differently or trying to make my physical appearance look somewhat unique.
'Imagine that there's no context'. Drima, that line just really made me take some time and think about it. It makes a lot of sense and you're right, at the end of the day it's how you are with yourself that really matters, that's a great place to reach. Yet at the sametime we can't ignore the journey one takes to get to that place:)
dein I’m not religious enough for the Muslims, not independent enough for the West, not black enough for the Africans yet not light enough for the Arabs, great stuff right? I just can’t win.
Of course you can win! - this 'not belonging to this or that group' can make you stronger as individual - if you're not just swallowed inside a big herd or swarm, which often lets people lose their own identity - why do we want to be like others? - because we want to be accepted, appreciated & maybe loved. - few real friends who accept you like you are, are better than the acceptance of a big group which forces you to be like them to get their appeciation - I noticed Drima said some wise words here (imagine alle people were the same..)
"I’m not religious enough for the Muslims, not independent enough for the West, not black enough for the Africans yet not light enough for the Arabs"
The above hit the nail on the head & hit home.
I'm just proud & happy to be a part of the diversity which defines me.
P2H,as always,lovely post.
You're right Heimo, it does make you a stronger individual.Gradually I'm reaching a stage in my life where, I'm very comfortable with myself and my true friends have accepted me with all these changes and all the growing up that I've done.
Thanks Hipster and diversity is the spice of life:)
I can not believe I had to "discover" your blog Nomadic Thoughts rather than be told about it :P
This topic was close to home and it is a struggle. But the beauty of it is that you are able to experience the best of all worlds. And you keep on learning from all of them.. and keep teaching others.
Much respect,
Leyah
Leyah! I think it's time that you let the world into that beautiful mind of yours.How abt it, would you consider having a blog?
Strength is in diversity and I wouldn't want to have it any other way:)
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