Pesu, if you're still reading I want to apologize for taking ages to write about 'interracial/transracial' adoption. I'm not an expert on the subject either but it is something that I definitely would like to consider in my future.
It's hard to give a clear cut 'right or wrong' response about this topic. Like everything else in life, it's not for everyone but I'd like to believe that if you have the determination and commitment, anything is possible.
Parenting in its own right is difficult. Although I'm not one yet – in our family structure I've been promoted to child/parent role a while back, but that's another story.
Adopting a child within your race is already a challenge, you need to understand their background and be ready to heal whatever bad experiences they've had. So I can only imagine the amount of work that goes into adopting a child from another race.
No one admits to being prejudice towards a specific race(s),but in a way we're all influenced by stereotypes. There's nothing wrong with admitting that, it's only human nature. Maybe transracial adoption is a way of breaking down these stereotypes by providing an opportunity to truly educate ourselves about each other.
This will sound so corny, but I do believe that human beings are good in essence. I've met couples who've adopted children of another race because they want to help. It's one of the few acts that I consider heroic because by doing so, your family becomes 'different'. For those of us who've been singled out for being different, you know that it's not always a pleasant experience, but you always come out learning something about yourself.
A person needs to be aware that they will be treated differently because of their new family structure. I think the key point would be to support the child without crossing the line of defending the decision of having a multiracial family.
I can't tell you how many times I felt relief at the mere sight of someone of my race at a function. Doesn't matter if I know them or not, their presence just comforts me. The mistake I've seen most families make is that they avoid any contact with people of the same race as the child. I'm not entirely sure why they do that maybe its insecurity from the parent's side but it's important that the child interacts with people of the same race. No matter how much reading you do about their culture, they need someone from their race to give them a sense of belonging, heritage, language, history and at times even religion.
I'm rambling on here which is interesting since I have the attention span of a mosquito, and I'm not anywhere near finding a definite answer.
Adopting a child of another race means that you're consciously embracing a new culture (with all that entails) and new way of life.
There are millions of orphaned children all over the world. When you get down to it, all they really want and need is a good home and a dream of a bright future. Should we leave these children grow up in institutions simply because they're from a different race? Who is to judge?
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
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good to see you still writing wonderfully intelligent posts.
looking forward to more.
LoA.
I agree with the part that we all harbor sterotypes...but what people think does not much bother me...I care mostly how they act. But we should struggle to be aware of our faults...no doubt.
The mixed race thing...I don't see it as a big deal...but it can be tough on any kid to be different. I wouldn't want to be a half-Filipino half-black Jew being raised in Saudia for example...
So setting means a lot. I don't care much about culture...just man made crap that people treat as divine religion or something...
So me...I like mixes and all different kinds of people and blends...one reason I love living near Los Angeles.
Interesting post P2H and one I can relate to as my stepson is Anglo Australian and not Muslim. While it's a completely different context, I have 90% care of my stepson and have done since he was 5 when his Dad and I married- although I've known the child since he was 16 months old (blame his dad for taking soooo long to get his shit together and ask me to marry him!).
Having a family member from a different racial, cultural or religious background makes you more aware of your own prejudices and of your own relativism- you need to challenge yourself on a daily basis and recognise that the child has a right to identify with a culture/ race or religion that he/she feels part of and is comfortable with. Like I said it is different for me because my step son has his Dad around so there is always someone in his immediate environment who he can relate to on that level. I think it is much more difficult for couples adopting a child from a minority group but also much more important for the parents to nurture the child's sense of community and identity.
People often ask me why I sent my kids to a Muslim school- it is because I wanted them to have a sense of community- something that I did not have growing up quite isolated from the Arab and Muslim communities in Sydney and being the only Muslim kid at my school. I wanted my kids to identify with a whole lot of other kids who celebrate Eid, know what Shahada is, know when Ramadan is. You need to nurture a child's identity and while kids are young they don't see difference but eventually they will and it is usually at a stage in their lives when peer pressure is telling them that different is bad.
I am definitely for intercultural adoption but parents adopting children from minority groups need to be aware of the added responsibility they are taking with regard to nurturing that child's cultural identity. If the child is from the same racial/cultural group as the dominant group in society then this is not such an issue as the media, society and social institutions reinforce to that child their belonging in that group- but it is often the case that the media and social institutions do not do the same for minorities. When's the last time you saw an African or an Arab person on Neighbours? McDonald's ads, I've noticed, have 20 anglo kids but not a single Asian, African or Arab kid- as if they don't eat at Mc Donalds.
Parents need to be aware that these are the social messages kids are getting.
OK nuff said- it's not as if I don't have a million things to do!
I've been running around like a headless chicken, my apologies for the late reply.
It's really interesting to read the concerns that have been outlined in your replies.
Howie, you know I hadn't thought about the importance of setting till you pointed it out. You're absolutely right.
But I will have to disagree with you about culture. I'm not saying that my culture governs my life but at the sametime it's a big part of my identity that I love.
Like everything else it has its pros and cons but it depends on the person's common sense to know what parts to take and which to cut off, otherwise there would be no rich traditions or folk tales.
TUS, I've missed you greatly! As always you bring up something that I have overlooked, it's true all those advertisments and the messages they are sending..I never really noticed that.
With your son, the great thing is that one of the parents is of the same race/background.
Going off topic here, what is it with men and taking ages to come clean with their feelings?! It drives me insane.
I can understand why you would want to send your kids in a Muslim environment. My parents brought me up in an international environment, where I was usually different. But when I hit my teens they wanted me to 'act more Muslim' (whatever that meant).
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